my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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