I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
