woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
