dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
