Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
