I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she smelled like a LAN party
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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