we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
