Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
