why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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