after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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