i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
