I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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