Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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