i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
