We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize