I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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