cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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