sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
