we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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