As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
