i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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