Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize