New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
