yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
