i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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