ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
