weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
