I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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