I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I am one with the molecules
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
