Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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