I'm passing your future prison.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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