I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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