Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
