I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
