I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
