sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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