its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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