She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize