Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
