First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
