omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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