Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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