Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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