Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
