The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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