i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
