the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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