Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
