They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
