Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
