You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
