woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
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