Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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