I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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