I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize