I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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