I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
