apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
