yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
