She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
