there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
