I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize