i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
