I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
