maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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