Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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