smell my finger.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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