dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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