So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
