Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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