Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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