Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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