He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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