I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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