Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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