he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
