id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
