How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
