Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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