I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize