He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
