I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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