Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize