His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
