WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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