We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize