the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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