I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We need to rekindle our bromance
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
