Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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