After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
foreskin is a definite game changer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
