I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
