i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
