I'm jealous of your bromance
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
