Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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