3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
