our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
