You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
